Analyzing Florida’s Keys to Victory vs. Florida Gulf Coast

March 28, 2013 BasketbLOL One comment

It’s the Sweet 16, so that means it’s time to climb aboard the bandwagon now that college basketball matters. As always, Jean Shorts Torture is here to bring you unparalleled analysis and expert opinion, because we have a website and that means we know more about basketball than most people.

We’ve been reading a lot about Florida Gulf Coast and watching some sick videos that all tell us the Eagles like to dunk the basketball – either by traditional ball-in-hand-from-the-ground-to-the-rim style or via what we understand is called an alley-oop. They like dunking so much that the City of Fort Myers has changed it’s slogan to #DunkCity, which is a pretty drastic change from their previous slogan: #AsManyBeachesButFewerOldPeopleThanNaplesProbably. So the Gators will probably want to limit the number of times the other team is allowed to do slam dunks.

Of course too much emphasis on defending against the slam-dunk could leave the perimeter undefended, in which case Florida Gulf Coast will probably try to shoot lots of 3-pointers. Those are worth more than slam dunks, so we certainly don’t want those going into the basket. In short, the Gator defense needs to defend the inside AS WELL AS the outside and contest as many jumpers as they can. Also, Florida will need to rebound the ball, because that means the Eagles won’t get another chance to try and score until they get the ball back.

To review. Florida needs to defend the inside, defend the perimeter, contest shots and get rebounds. And they should probably try to limit points in transition, too, because that’s where a lot of those alley-oop thingies happen.

This seems like a winner.

This seems like a winner.

On offense, it’s a totally different story. Instead of trying to prevent things like dunks, 3-pointers and points in transition, the Gators will be wanting to be DOING those things. All of them lead to points on the scoreboard and if the Gators have more points on the scoreboard than the other team at the end of the second half, then Florida will have won the game.

Again, to review: The Gators should look to score points in transition, and also score baskets worth either two or three points (depending on what is open). Oh, and of course Florida should try to get fouled so they can take free throws. The other team isn’t even allowed to try and stop those so it must be pretty easy to make them.

Better at this than Charlie Weis.

Better at this than Charlie Weis.

If Florida does all of these things well, it shouldn’t even be close. In fact, they can apply this same strategy in ALL games and stand a pretty good chance at winning.

For more in-depth basketball analysis, follow us at @JortsTorture.

Georgia Beats Florida, Georgia Legislature Honors Louisville

January 30, 2013 Georgia Sucks No comments

The Georgia Bulldogs defeated the Florida Gators for the second time in a row this past fall. As excruciating as that was for me to type, here’s a bit of good news for my psyche and for this blog’s content: The Gators are still firmly in the heads of Georgians everywhere.

Yes, despite Georgia’s historic back-to-back wins over the Gators in Jacksonville, the Georgia State Legislature took time out of their busy schedule to honor Charlie Strong and the University of Louisville.

The Georgia State Senate passed a resolution last week congratulating the team which “through perseverance and iron determination” dispatched the vaunted University of Florida Gators in the Jan. 2 Bowl game.

Why would anyone in Georgia care? Especially since the legislature there still hasn’t congratulated the University of Georgia Bulldogs for its win in the 2013 Capital One Bowl over the Nebraska Cornhuskers.

Could it be that it gave the Georgians a chance to rub a loss in the face of the hated Gators from the south?

That wasn’t the primary reason — but it probably didn’t hurt when bill sponsor Sen. John Albers was trying to line up votes.

“I got a lot of thumbs up,” Albers said in an interview. “Down here in Georgia, we go by the ABF mentality. Anybody but Florida.”

Good to know you’re thinking of us, Senator Albers!

For what it’s worth, the Georgia Legislature has not yet honored the only other team to defeat the Gators in 2012. Clearly Mark Richt has lost control of his state’s governing body.

Brave Gators: A Call to Action

January 25, 2013 Braves Baseball No comments

With the Atlanta Braves’ acquisition of Justin Upton this week, I can barely contain my excitement for baseball season. I mean, y’all gon make me lose my mind!

But along with my newly awakened passion for baseball comes a dark reminder: The Atlanta Braves long ago abandoned the in-stadium organ tomahawk chop music in favor of a recording of Florida State’s own Marching Chiefs. This is why we don’t chop, and this practice must come to an end posthaste.

North Florida, indeed all of Florida prior to MLB expansion into Tampa and Miami, is thoroughly within Atlanta Braves Country. By a long shot, the Atlanta Gator Club is the largest Gator Club outside the State of Florida. Playing the battle cry of the college rival of such a large swath of Braves fans is downright disrespectful.

Alabama Braves fans simply would never tolerate a marching band rendition of Rocky Top playing over the loudspeakers at Turner Field. Likewise I doubt many Georgia fans would be pleased with an Up With The White And Gold sing-along during the seventh-inning stretch. And yet Florida Braves fans are asked to deal with this song, nay, this NOISE encroaching upon America’s Pastime? It’s unacceptable.

It also reflects poorly on the Braves organization. It’s bad enough that the entire tradition is a carbon copy of FSU’s arm-waving ritual that was instituted when Neon Deion arrived, but at least back then it had a traditional baseball twist on it. They played the song on an organ. Later, after the Olympics when the team moved into Turner field, they added a gigantic drum in center field to keep the beat. Then, the marketing department inexplicably abandoned everything, threw up their hands and said “screw it just put this CD on, nobody will know the difference.” Well, we know the difference. Bring back the organ, and maybe they can get their Floridian fans to begrudgingly join in chopping.

We can change this. We are the change we’ve been waiting for. To start the movement, tell Braves Organist Matthew Kaminski how you feel using the hashtag #thisiswhywedontchop. Don’t be rude, because I’m sure it’s not his fault. In fact, I bet he would be delighted to have the honor of playing the chop, rather than delegating that duty out to some two-bit disc jockey.

Oh yeah, and Justin Upton is a Nole himself. But he plays baseball for the Braves now so I think we can excuse that.

SEC Math is Bad, and We Should Feel Bad

January 24, 2013 SEC Best EC No comments

The SEC, and the South in general, has a bit of a perception issue. We talk funny, so people tend to assume we’re backward, ignorant or just plain dumb. That perception has a lot to do with how Southerners are portrayed in the media and in Hollywood, but sometimes we don’t do ourselves any favors.

The new “SEC Lucky Number 7 T-Shirt” is one such example:

The front says "Seven isn't luck"

The front says “Seven isn’t luck”

Let’s see… 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013. That’s seven eight, seven eight national championships in a row. It’s greatness, but it ain’t all that smart.

The 2013 college football season kicks off at the end of August, so the SEC hasn’t even won that one yet!

Everything you need to know about Brad Lawing

January 24, 2013 Coaching Search No comments

After defensive coordinator Dan Quinn jumped back to the NFL, Will Muschamp moved quickly to replace him with UF’s own defensive line coach D.J. Durkin. He moved almost as quickly to fill Durkin’s former position with South Carolina’s Brad Lawing.

Here’s all you need to know about your new defensive line coach, Gator fans:

BOOM MOTHERFUCKER. (HT: SBNation)

Dan Quinn out, D.J. Durkin promoted

January 18, 2013 Florida Gators No comments

For the sixth consecutive year, the Florida Gators will kick off their season opener with a new coordinator of some form or another. Defensive coordinator Dan Quinn is returning to the Seattle Seahawks in the same capacity. As a result, Florida special teams coordinator and linebackers coach D.J. Durkin will move up to defensive coordinator effective immediately.

What does it mean for Florida? Ultimately, not much. Read more

Why Keeping Dan Quinn Matters UPDATE

January 17, 2013 Florida Gators No comments

EDIT: Yeah, about that… Dan Quinn accepted the Seattle job either immediately before this post went live or immediately after. Not sure which. In any event, the Gators will begin 2013 under a different OC-DC combination for the sixth straight year. We are losing the off season turnover battle. Badly.

GONE

It is “a strong possibility” that Florida defensive coordinator Dan Quinn will become the defensive coordinator of the Seattle Seahawks very soon. Quinn’s name is also floating around as a possible defensive coordinator on Gus Bradley’s new staff in Jacksonville. Either way, it’s a tremendous blow to a Florida program that has seen just about enough of this.

I’m not sure it matters much from an X’s and O’s standpoint – how much of the Gator defense is Quinn and how much of it is attributable to Will Muschamp? I’m also not sure Florida will take much of a hit on the recruiting trail. Quinn has been targeted in the past by Tampa Bay, Florida International (as a head coach), Cleveland and Philadelphia, so you have to hope/assume that this year’s class wasn’t built around a defensive coordinator who poses such a flight risk. Where this one really stings is in the continuity department, because I believe that’s the only thing that separates Alabama from Florida today.

Remember 2008? Florida was coming off a National Championship just two years prior and was about to face undefeated Alabama. The Crimson Tide had a second-year head coach and a first-year defensive coordinator, and lost the game. The Gators, headed by fourth-year coach Urban Meyer, fourth-year offensive coordinator Dan Mullen and longtime defensive coordinator Charlie Strong beat the Tide and rolled to their second national championship in three years.

Then Dan Mullen took the head coaching job at Mississippi State. Then Alabama won the national championship. Then Charlie Strong took the head coaching job at Louisville while Meyer retired and then didn’t and then did again. (Skipping Auburn here) Then Alabama, still under Saban and Smart, won two more national championships while the Gators went through some serious rebuilding years.

What happened? Strong and Mullen were both gone by 2010, replaced by Steve Addazio and Teryl Austin, respectively. By 2011 both of those guys were gone thanks to Meyer’s second no-for-serious-you-guys-I-mean-it-this-time retirement. Muschamp brought in Quinn on defense and I’m sure you remember the fat man on offense. The fat man was gone for Kansas before the bowl game.

So now with Quinn going into his third year and Brent Pease entering his second, the Gators are poised to start a season under the same HC-OC-DC trio for the first time since the last time they won a national championship (HT @OnlyGators). Unless, of course, Quinn leaves town.

Now, will SOMEBODY PLEASE HIRE SOMEBODY from Alabama’s staff for once? Why does it always have to be a Gator?

« Older Entries
buy facebook likes